I’m sorry I can’t come to the phone right now. I’m busy cutting open Fruit Gushers and squeezing all of the goo into a glass so I can take a shot of it because that has always been a dream of mine and now that I’m an adult with a job, I finally have the means to make it a reality. Please leave your name and number after the beep.
me at a job interview: as you can see sir, my qualifications are highly extensive, I had earned myself a PHD
employer: it says here all you did was worked at pizza hut
me: yes sir that is correct, I had earned my living from Pizza Hut Delivery
LISTEN I JUST LEARNED THAT IF YOU SEARCH FAR INTO NETFLIX THEY ACTUALLY HAVE GOOD MOVIES